Week 12: Part Valencia

My final week in Europe has been a whirlwind. 

I finished my finals Wednesday afternoon and headed out to lunch courtesy of the school with the professors and Isabele (secretary) and Arturo (headmaster). We went for paella (a traditional Spanish meal with rice and usually seafood). We laughed a lot and they scolded us for not eating everything and taught the others how to eat snail- I drew the line there.

Then that evening Hannah and I had talked about going out to eat at a nice restaurant. So we decided to invite everybody. It ended up being all 5 of us from school, Erick and Hernán, Juan, Rebecca, Hannah and Leo. We ate pizza and spoke a mix of Spanish and English and just generally enjoyed each others' company. 

Afterwards, those of us who could hung out a little longer and planned our dance party for Friday. I got home at 3. And then slept until 3 the next day. It had been a busy/low sleep previous few weeks. But yikes. 

Thursday I think I just sort of hung out and packed. Nothing super special. Oh except our two friends, Erick and Hernán are brothers and both are fairly insecure but they display it in different ways. It's something I'd noticed but hadn't felt like it was my place to say anything. Erick speaks a good amount of English. Hernán doesn't. So Thursday night I was texting with Hernán and he said something about being ugly in some picture. Then a little later said he couldn't dance. Neither of which are true. So I kind of preached at him in Spanish about self worth and how it needs to come from God and not people and that it doesn't matter what people think and all that good stuff. And I think he genuinely understood and appreciated it. That was incredible because those are the conversations I want to be having. Ones that mean something. And I was able to encourage my friend in his language and it made sense. Yay Spanish! 

Friday night then was my last supper with my dear family. We had pizza and we all crowded in the tiny kitchen and laughed as Monica shared her dreams of owning a pet monkey and raccoon (among other things) when she's a widow. And we talked about last names and how Spanish people have a gazillion and I have 1. 

Later Rachel, Erick, Hernán, Dessa, Juan and I went out dancing. This was something we'd talked about doing all semester. It finally happened the last night. We met up and went to the first place. They had live music. Rachel and I had been there a few times before and usually love it because it's mostly  Berklee students who play. This time it was a Spanish band. It was still fun and Rachel and I had a fun time trying to dance like Spanish people. We can't.  

Side note: Juan is Columbian and Erick and Hernán are Bolivian. They all have dancing in their blood. 

Side side note: Spanish dancing starts with footwork and everything else follows. I don't know how to move my feet. Thus Spanish dancing is a hilarious struggle. Mejor con un pareja. 

So we went from there to another place with American music, and back to the first place to chill a bit. Then we walked Dessa home and said goodbye *sad face*. 

But then this was my favorite, outside of the hilarious/wonderful moments that I can't describe, Juan had been playing music from his phone and I think some Sam Smith song came on. And for whatever reason the 5 of us who were left walked back toward the city with our arms linked and sang along with what was playing. I swear it could have been straight out of a movie. 

Hernán and my's relationship Friday was totally different than it had been previously too after our conversation the night before. We had been mostly acquaintances until the last few weeks and then that last night it was a whole other level. I wish that could have happened sooner. It sucks to have to leave after only just getting close. But it was a beautiful night full of memories to look back on. 

Saturday I made sure all my stuff was in order and got all ready to go. I gave Begoña my letter and we cried. Because goodbyes suck. Even with the promise of seeing each other again. She and Sofia walked me most of the way to the train and then with more tears hugs, we parted ways. 

I didn't know my goodbyes would be as hard as they were. But it was beautiful-- the pain and the tears-- because that means the time was well spent and the people well loved and that is worth grieving. But it's also worth celebrating. I love Spain and Spanish and all the people I met there. Valencia will forever have a piece of my heart. 

Learnings and Preparations

This blog is essentially just copied and pasted from the last journal/essay I had to write about this experience. Every section is in response to prompt questions. It mostly captures thoughts and processing and preparing for America:

My time in Spain has been very eye-opening for me. I’ve learned so much about myself and people in general. I’ve learned just how badly I need people and people who I can really be honest with and push to be better, who will also push me. I knew this would be a struggle because I was coming off of a summer with HeartSong where I got to know my team intimately and was able to live in a community that continuously poured into and uplifted each other. It was the greatest picture I’ve seen of the sort of community we were made for. So to go from that to living in another country where I barely spoke the language and knew nobody, was a struggle. But it also meant that I came in search of people who I could pour into and really get to know. And I found that in Dessa and Rachel and  Hannah. 

I’ve learned that you can learn something from everyone, no matter how annoying they initially seem. And that when you decide to love someone no matter what, you choose to look at and see them in ways that help you to like them too. You seek to understand what makes them them. And once you understand why they act as they do, it's harder to be upset that it's not how you would have acted or how you prefer them to be-- because it's about them, not you. (Yeah I stole that from an earlier blog. Sue me.)

I’ve learned to continuously push myself to do things I don’t want to and not to use “introvert” as an excuse to avoid people. I used to think that I was all introverted and had no extrovert in me. But I’m thinking now that we all have a little of both, they’re just muscles. They need to be worked in order to grow. And sometimes it doesn’t feel good. But it’s worth it. My extrovert muscle is bigger than it was when I came here. 

I’ve become better at accepting being wrong and also not being good at something. I’ve always struggled with performance. I like to do things well. And when I don’t I get really frustrated with myself. Usually that means if I can’t do something well, I won’t do it. But here that wasn’t an option. If I decided to just never try with Spanish I would not be able to speak any better than when I came. In classes too, I learned to answer questions as best I could and be okay with being wrong. It helps that there’re only two or three in a class most of the time. In the states, I’d never answer questions in class unless I was positive I was right and no one else was answering. I still don’t like being wrong. But I’ve accepted that mistakes and wrong answers don’t mean I’m stupid.  

I’m looking forward to hugs and being with family. I’m looking forward to American coffee and Jimmy Johns and salads and Chik-fil-a and Chipotle. I’m looking forward to being able to drive and sitting on the couch with my dog and reading a (Spanish) book. I’m looking forward to real honest conversations over coffee and knowing how to help and encourage people because I know them on a more intimate level. I’m looking forward to playing guitar and piano. I’m looking forward to puzzles with mom and encouraging her to follow her dreams in person and not just over the phone. I’m looking forward to cry sessions with my roommate and Christmas lights and maybe a little bit of snow. I’m looking forward to going into new places without having to plan what I’m going to say ahead of time. 

I’m not looking forward to heavy work loads with every detail spelled out for me. I’m not looking forward to strict rules and curfew. I’m not looking forward to being around people who think that America is the promise land and that the end goal is for everywhere else to look like and sound like and act like America. I’m not looking forward to people saying “oh you speak Spanish. Say something.” Or “How was Spain?” Because really how am I supposed to answer that in a word or a couple sentences? I’m not looking forward to judgements, real or perceived. I’m not looking forward to walking fast or Friday classes. 

With every experience in my life I become less sure of what I want to do with the rest of it. I’ve always loved the idea of a nomad existence; traveling the world, living places long enough to understand the cultures and learn languages but not necessarily planting anywhere. I’m more convinced than ever of my love for Freedom, for culture, for diversity. I’m convinced that I was created with wings to fly because the idea of planning my whole life or staying in one place forever makes me want to scream. I’m convinced that people are beautiful, even when they do ugly things. I’m convinced that the most beautiful gift you could give someone is to seek to know and understand them and genuinely care. I’m convinced that pain is almost always worth the beauty and growth that comes out on the other side. 

But what does that mean as far as resolutions? I don’t want to miss out on opportunities to get to know people because I’m overthinking things or I don’t want to come across the wrong way. I want to be confident in those things and not need the approval or understanding of others in order to maintain them. I want to be intentional about doing things for people; notes, coffee, little gifts, whatever. I want to find a Spanish church or organization so I can keep practicing my Spanish. I want to learn another language- probably Italian. I want to encourage others to break the mold and be fully themselves. I want to ask questions even when I don’t know exactly how and be willing to make mistakes. 

My mind is so much more open than it used to be. My whole life I’ve been growing more and more relaxed and open-minded, and less convinced that I’ll ever hold the exact right answer. I don’t need the answer, because the journey to finding it is enough. I think that’s my favorite thing about my Spain experience. The things I have been told my whole life are wrong or right, I have found to be more a little of both and it is discernment and an understanding of self that one needs, not a black or white answer, to navigate the minefields. I think that’s something I’d like my friends and family to understand when I get back. 

I think the best thing for re-entry will be the above as well. It’s not that one way is right and one is wrong. They are different. I need to go home with an attitude of openness and accept the cultural differences without judgement. That being said, I know some things will be difficult. Going from this semester and it’s workload back to Cedarville is going to suck. I’m going to have to relearn how to study and manage my time well. I don’t really know what else is going to be difficult because my perception of America was so far under water before I came here that I don’t know if I’ll really be able to see it clearly until I go back. But I'll take them as they come, because that's life. It's hard but good. Always. 

Week 11: Finals and Awkward Moments

This week has been very chill thanks to finals meaning I've been cooped in my room studying for most of it. So this will be brief.
Friday I was in a mood. I ended up studying most of the day. I also went to a free zumba class with my dear sister, Sofia which was a blast. I sweated a disgusting amount but I think I was smiling or laughing for the entirety of the hour. Dancing is fun.
Saturday I had rehearsal for church. I was having trouble with the rhythm of one the songs (thanks to being overly confident and underprepared) so they had to change it. That put me in my place real quick. I hate performing poorly. So after that I was annoyed. I was annoyed at myself and I was annoyed because everyone there speaks English too so they would talk to each other in Spanish and then turn to me and translate. Which is sweet, I suppose. Except that I've been here for 3 months and I understand most of what they're saying and to already annoyed Megan, that was slightly insulting. It's not something I should be bothered by. And I definitely don't understand everything so sometimes it's good to have things clarified so there are no miscommunications. My pride just wanted to punch someone every time they'd translate. I know. It's a personal problem. We're working on it.
Sunday, I watched a Cedarville Chapel online and spent some time refocusing. I've done a pretty poor job here of keeping up with devotions and centering on Christ. I've had some really cool moments. But mostly I've regressed to depending on the moments rather than a lifestyle.
At church that night, the sermon was preached in English by a man from Portugal and then translated into Spanish by and American. So that was bound to be amusing right? It was. And there was a lot of repetition in the sermon itself, which was then doubled. SOOO I struggled to stay engaged a little. BUT. It was really good for me to hear. He/They talked about God's provision being in unlikely people/places/situations/ways. God doesn't choose the "best", he chooses us. No matter our faults or our bank account or our inadequacies. He uses us when we offer all that we are and all hat we have to Him. And He does that in ways we wouldn't choose and in whatever place it is that we currently find ourselves. That was the part that hit me the hardest. I've been trying so hard to stay present here these past 2 weeks or so, but I've been pretty lonely and so missing Cedarville and my community there a lot. It was a good reminder that I need to engage here, because this is where God has me now and this is where he can use me now.
Yesterday and today I had finals. I have one left tomorrow but no studying necessary because it's translation. So I can't do anything until he gives us the passage to translate.

I was thinking the other day about awkward hilarious situation that have happened since I've been here that I want to remember. Here are a few that came to mind:

Walking to church with friend Chris.
First I spill coffee on my hand while trying to resituate my purse and have to wipe it on my shirt because I have no napkins and the only other option is licking it off... which I prefer to do only at home ;)
Then he says "Watch out" right as kick a piece of poop that was on the sidewalk. But no worries. I smoothly followed it up with "Oh it's fine. It was dry." WHAT. Who says that??

Out for dinner after church with a group of friends.
I go to take a drink and start laughing or choking or something and legitimately spit the entire thing out.. fortunately not at anyone, although a few people got some spray. hahaha gross.

Spanish greetings. Kiss on both cheeks, remember?
So I'm standing outside waiting for this guy to let me in church so I can pick up the bass I'm going to borrow. Note: He's American but he's grown up in Spain. But in my head he's American. So I don't expect kisses. So he walks up to me and starts going for it and I'm thinking he's going to whisper something in me ear. Which was confusing because there was no one else around so there was no reason to whisper. I didn't realize what was actually happening until the first kiss. "oh" "Sorry"
Nailed it.
Then I said "nice sweater." because it was a nice sweater. duh.
Except he thought I said "Are you sweating?"
So that whole situation....yeah. That was bad.

Those are the main ones. Hope you enjoyed. :) Happy Tuesday!

Week 10: Roma, Bass and Classes

Last week flew by. I was able to play bass at a Girl's Night at my church which was so much fun. I've missed playing music so much. That night, my sister came to the church with me and loved it. I think she wants to come back again. I only have one more weekend with them and I'm playing again, but I think she'll come with me. That'll be fun. :)
I went over to Rebecca's a few times to keep her company and watch New Girl and just hang out. Friday we went to watch some live music briefly after the girls night and had a little dance party in her apartment afterwards. I started teaching Dessa how to dance. That was hilarious. Then boys came so we stopped. Dance lessons are better without boys.
Saturday we went to Rome. (We= everyone from my school; Dessa, Alyssa, Rachel, Aaron and I) It was awesome. We walked probably 20 hours over the two days we were there. So it was exhausting, but so fun. We got to see all the things. But most fun for me was the people. duh. I loved hearing all the Italian and other languages that are present in touristy places. I want to live in Italy someday, and learn Italian. That'll be my next language I think. They speak so beautifully. Their inflection kills me.
Everything went super well. Our hostal was great. Flights went well. I navigated us through the city with a paper map (so fun! I only took us the wrong way once.) The food was amazing. I had lasagna the first night which was the best lasagna of my life. Wow. The owner was precious and his brother came up to our table and started telling us that he was rich and single and we should get on top of that, it was hilarious.
Overall it was a great trip. We got back Monday night which meant only 3 days of classes this week. I finished my first Spanish book and had to give a presentation on it today. That was an experience. Everything is so much more chill here. At Cedarville there are always descriptions of exactly what is wanted in a project. For this one I was given a theme to talk about. It's so different.
Next week is finals and then after that London and home! Time has flown! All that to say I'm starting to get excited for home and think about what will be good and what will be hard to prepare myself. Thanksgiving is a good first meal to have back in America I think.

Sorry for the poor writing today. It's been a long short week. Lots to do = no time for siesta

Week 9: Mostly Thoughts

My weeks ebb and flow like an ocean.
Monday (or Tuesday?) I met my British friend, Hannah, for the first time in a few weeks which was really great. She's awesome.
I found myself frustrated with my church a lot this week. I went to a LifeGroup last Friday that was really disappointing as far as the level of relationship that I felt there and even the answers to discussion questions felt very juvenile and shallow even though most everyone was older than me. Then Sunday I sat there in the service just feeling empty. Like I've been trying to pour out of nothing. I was taken in so quickly by these people when I got here. But it's two months later and the relationships haven't gotten any deeper. It's still "How's your Spanish doing?" week after week. And I was so annoyed by that. And the messages have not been remotely challenging. At first it was nice because I was able to get the big picture pretty easily even if I didn't understand all the points. But then it wasn't so nice anymore. It tends to be more preaching on a generally Biblical topic with one or two verses inserted somewhere along the way. And there is no talk of the ugly parts of life. Which just feels fake to me. My faith is not based on the pretty nice surfacey parts of life. It doesn't experience a ton of that. And it's strongest when life is hard. That's when it grows. So the implication that we just need to hope and pray and all things will turn out right and we'll all get new cars and the cancer will go away and people will love us is almost insulting.
But what do I do then? Because just ranting to people doesn't help. Changing churches might be nice for these last few weeks, but it does nothing to help the people that are still there. If I want more I have to do something right? If i want better teaching, a) there's plenty of that online that I can access, and b) if I were being consistent about my devotional time, I wouldn't be feeling quite so empty to begin with. And maybe if the time comes, there's room to address that. I don't know yet.
As far as relationships, if I want deeper relationships I have to be willing to give a little. Thus far I've been mostly copping out. "My Spanish isn't good enough to start real conversations" "I'm the new girl here, they should be approaching me" "Why doesn't anyone want to hang out during the week?" and so on. But the expectation for them to come to me is ridiculous, especially if I don't initiate anything either. Relationships do go both ways after all. So this week, the goal was to have better conversations. And I didn't really. I learned what one guy did for a living. I asked someone a few people how their weeks were. It wasn't a lot. But it's a start.
If nothing else I've been able to invest in one girl, also from America, who seems to be a fairly new Christian and is going through some rough stuff lately. I know I'm at this Church for a reason. Maybe it's her.

That was a lot of rambling on thoughts. But really not much else happened. I had the house to myself for a bit this weekend while the fam went to the mountains for a Halloween party. Dessa came over for a girls' night and then a mini church service in the morning. We watched a service online and then sat in different rooms and had some much needed alone time with Jesus. It was beautiful.

That's pretty much life these days. Only 3 weeks left here. Crazy.

Week 8: More Concerts, More Learnings

Last week was one for the books.
Classes are pretty lull these days. Nothing particularly notable in them, other than I'm learning things. Yay.
But other life things are good. I'm finally to the point of understanding my class mates enough to just love them. I guess I've been here for a while but it hit me this week. When I was on HeartSong the mindset is that these are the people you get to serve/live/lead/love with for the next year so you better learn to love them. It's not an option. And it was easy. Because when you decide to love someone no matter what, you choose to look at and see them in ways that help you to like them too. You seek to understand what makes them them. And once you understand why they act as they do, it's harder to be upset that it's not how you would have acted or how you prefer them to be-- because it's about them, not you. Or at least that's how it was for me.
But I didn't come here with that mindset. I came here thinking "what if I don't understand anything?" "what if I don't get any better?" "these people will never be like my friends from home" "It's not helpful to my Spanish to talk to them"
It was all about me. I didn't seek to understand. If someone annoyed me I just wrote them off as "never going to be friends"
But after a while, and after conversations with Dessa that reminded me that I wasn't the only one who was struggling, that we needed each other. "Maybe God brought all of us from different parts of the US together in Spain because we needed each other." oh. I guess I should be willing to give a little then, huh? God just smiles. He knows I'm slow.
Now here we are, able to laugh about our professors and our Spanish struggles. We're able to push each other and look after each other and be community. That's pretty cool. Church isn't just a building, people.

In other news, Rachel and I share a common love for music, especially live music. So there are these "jam sessions" in bars all over the city where whoever wants to play can come and play. Usually they're specific to a certain type of music. So our friend Chris had one that he was going to play at Wednesday night, so we decided to check it out. (Side note to my musical friends, jamming is so much better when you listen to each other and don't try to hog the spotlight. 4 people playing different instruments who all want to be the center and show off what they can do...it doesn't sound good.) It was fun though. And afterwards Chris had a recording session and he said we could sit in an listen. So of course we took him up on that! And the music was actually good too. We got home at 2. And had classes the next day. That was interesting. But totally worth it.

We also went to an open mic night last Friday that was KILLER. It was mostly Berklee students so duh. They knew what was up. I can't listen to music without moving and I can't watch/listen to (good) live music without a ridiculously dorky smile on my face and lots of "yass" "What!" "You go." "mmmmm" "no. stop"
So that happened a lot. So much fun. We also bumped into our professor from CU there. So that was hilarious.
Afterwards we went with some church friends (Chris and Rebecca) to one of their friend's house and just chilled and listened to crazy bass songs and ate food and hung out. This guy was korean and the best host of my life. Also just a very strange character. He said whatever he thought. So blunt. But it was funny for some reason. Probably because it was so unexpected. I don't know. It was an experience for sure. We didn't get home until 5:30 am. Yikes.

Saturday was a reminder that no matter how many good things I have in my life (friends, music, food, chill evenings...) they are empty with out Christ. He, we, have to be first for any of it to matter. I have an all-in sort of personality. When I'm friends with someone I'm all the way committed to them. When I have a favorite song, it's on repeat for weeks. When I like something, I love it. So all the music nights and the hanging with friends, I was loving! But my temptation with that is to put everything I have into that and let my relationship with Christ lag. But it's not enough without Jesus. It was a little taste of the emptiness of the world. The inability of those things to fill the spot inside me that only Christ can. I'm grateful for this reminder. I'm grateful for the ways that He pursues. That in His jealousy for my whole heart, He reminds me of himself before I've taken more than a few steps away.

Week 7: Concerts, Pictures, and the Beauty of Struggle

I suppose I shouldn't promise what I can't deliver, huh? #wednesday

Last week was crazy. As I said before I had 5 midterms.  So virtually all my time that wasn't in class, was studying for the next test. And they all went so well-- Hooray! Thanks for your prayers!

The weekend then was such a treat. Thursday night, after all our exams were finished, Dessa, Alyssa, Erick and I went to a jam/concert thing put on by our friend Rebecca from church. (Rebecca is studying to get a masters at Berklee Valencia) It was so fun. I couldn't believe her scat capabilities. It wasn't primarily music I would listen to on my own. But I LOVE to watch and listen to musicians who do what they do well and love doing it. It brings so much joy to my heart. I had the dorkiest grin on my face the whole time. It was awesome.

Friday, Dessa and I went and did a photo shoot around the city, because why not? And then got coffee in a cute little cafe and talked for a while. Side note: Dessa has become probably my closest friend here and has taught me so much. We both have a free hour in between morning classes so we just sit and talk about life. I've spent so much time ranting to her about frustrations, and so much time talking about God and all that he has taught and is teaching me. And she's done the same for me (although usually not as dramatically with the ranting). Slowly but surely we're learning what makes us us. And that's a beautiful thing. It's a testimony to me to love first and "seek first to understand" (That's been my motto lately) because everyone has a story and a reason for being who they are, and when I understand and choose to accept them as they are and not be frustrated because they aren't who I want them to be, I'm able to learn so much from them and develop truly beautiful relationships.

On our way to the concert Thursday night, we had passed a 50's themed American diner that was super cute so we decided to try it out for lunch on Saturday. So Dessa, Alyssa, Aaron and Juan (church) all met at this restaurant and then walked around afterwards until the girls went to the Caminando por Libertad.

Sunday I did homework and went to church.
All the time that I wasn't doing stuff this weekend I was reading this book, Marina, for my Spanish literature class. It's slow going because it's all in Spanish and I have to look up a lot of words. But it's written so beautifully that I don't even care. God is constantly giving me beautiful things to wow over. I love that. He's pretty cool.

Today I met with my Intercambio (someone who's learning English-- so we can help each other)
The first day we actually met was a mess because I was flustered and so was having a hard time understanding and speaking coherently. But today went really well. I understood most of what he was saying and I made sense. I still think my best practice is coming home and talking to Begoña because she helps my grammar and she understands what I intend to say so she can help me get there when I'm having a hard time. All that to say, my Spanish is not perfect. But I can communicate. And that's nice.

I'm finding a lot of things more difficult than I used to. I revert to english amidst Spanish conversations with Spanish people, (like, yeah, what, cool-- simple words that I don't think about that just slip out). But I think maybe that's not a terrible thing because it means that Spanish is becoming more natural and I'm not thinking as hard about it, which is why little English phrases still slip out sometimes. It's harder to decide to go out if there won't be anyone I know or I have to meet new people. Things that I did consistently the first two weeks because I had to are harder now, 7 weeks in. My do-what-you-don't-want-to muscles have got to be huge by now and also my little baby extrovert has grown at least into a toddler.

I miss people around whom I feel fully confident about being myself. Which has spiraled into a lot of self-talks about not living for the expectations of the world or those around me. I nurse my dreams and my passions carefully, wary of people who would try to pop holes in my balloons and land my floating house. But I'm becoming more and more aware and also willing to live in the identity that the Lord has given me and not worry about what others may think. I don't want to live in a box, not one I put myself in and not one others put me in. And that's okay. I can be who I am without labels.

It's been on my mind because when I first arrived I was trying so hard to look the culture and be a part of Spain and was almost embarrassed to let people know that I'm American. And then I realized, no one expects me to fit perfectly into their culture. They understand if I don't do the right thing or say the right words. I don't have to forsake my past to have this present. I am who I am because of where I came, just like everyone else and there's no reason to hide that.

All that to say, "Life's a climb, but the view's great" (Thank you Hannah Montana movie). Not all of my time here has been easy, but I'm loving it. Life is a mix of hard and beautiful and I live to embrace both. It's better that way.

#CaminandoPorLibertad

I'm going to break my tradition and post about today, today. Because it was amazing. Because I need to process it. And because it's too much to clump in with the rest of the week in my usual recap.(That'll come Monday or Tuesday per usual)
Also, I'm posting this on both blogs. Don't judge.

A21 is a campaign that exists to abolish sex slavery. Today, in cities all over the world, people came together in a #walkforfreedom to take a stand, raise awareness, and give a voice to those who don't have one. I joined them along with many from my church here in Valencia

We met at the Torres de Serrano and they told us how it was going to work. The Women would walk in a single-file line, silent and stoic. The men would walk on both sides talking to the people we passed and telling them what it was about. We walked for about an hour. As we walked, I was aware of those around us. The men that I'd met at church, talking to the people on the street. The people that we passed, watching us. The men especially. I noticed the men.
We stopped traffic. We had a police escort. There was plenty of attention on the line of women walking the streets of Valencia. But the attention was not for appearance, for that which women usually get attention. The attention was because there were at least a hundred of us, in all black, in a line. Silent.
As we walked I felt their eyes. I heard their voices.
"What is this?"
"You think a line will change anything?"
"Long live prostitution"
We walked through a neighborhood where prostitution happens every day; they told us before that we would. But I knew we were there because I felt it-- the oppression. I found out later that there had been women there hiding as we passed, and a few men got to talk to them and tell them why we were there. They said "Thank you" They were the reason we were there.

On that street I was even more aware of the men. Two of them walked up to our line saying "Oh look, you've lined the women up for us." I don't want to be afraid. I don't want to feel powerless to protect myself. But at that moment I did. And at that moment I was grateful for the men of God that flanked us. For the man that stood next to those two and kept them from us. What a picture that was to me.

Those men were fallen. They were so far from who God created them to be. They are the men I fear, though I would deny it. They are the men I expect, because they are what the world has made them. And by the world they are applauded. They are the reason for feminism. They are the reason I long to be independent, to stand on my own two feet and be under my own authority.

But the men in black walking alongside us. Those men have chosen a different path. Those men have chosen to love and to cherish. They've chosen to speak out for the women that are not able to. They've chosen to follow a Man who lived a different sort of life; a life to serve, to build up, to fight injustice. They are men I would follow.

We walked today in silence. And as we walked, I thought of all the women and children around the world without the option of speaking up for themselves. Those whose lives consist of abuse and heartache. The belief that "no one is coming." The depression that says I am alone in my nightmare. And my heart breaks. Every one of them is a dearly beloved child of God. Every one of them was bought for a price-- the blood of my savior.

And yet I sit, day in and day out, worried about petty things, rarely giving them a thought. Why am I not in their shoes? Why are they not in mine? Why do I not do more to help them? What can I do?

Today I gave myself to them as a metaphor. I walked in silence. I stood as a picture of those who can't.
Today I gave my prayers to them.
Today I gave my feet, my legs, my back.
Today I gave my heart to them.
Today I give my everything.

Week 6: Mountains

I was slacking last week and didn't post until Thursday. So there's less to cover today. But that's all the better really because it was a full weekend.
As I mentioned last time I went to the mountains with the fam this weekend. The town is called Arcos de las Salinas (Search it on Google Images if you want). It's tiny and precious. There was only one bathroom in the house. The whole place is heated by a fireplace in the kitchen. I wore wool socks (thanks Mom!) and a flannel all weekend (yes, I loved it.)

Friday we arrived in time for lunch (2pm) and got all our stuff situated. I got a room to myself and a queen bed-- both were happy surprises. We watched a bit of tv and cuddled to keep warm and then Sofia and I went out to explore a bit. We walked a little ways up one side of the mountain, enough to be able to see the whole town. Stunning. Wow. I wanted to go back up there by myself (Sofia is sweet, but she likes to talk) but I never got a chance.  We explored a bit more, and looked extra awkward while waiting for Begoña to finish talking with friends and go home for dinner. After dinner, Sofía and I watched a movie while Monica, Guillermo and smoked hookah in the basement (Side note: I've never understood the point of that). Then we all went out and chilled for a bit. Nothing was happening so in actuality it was an evening of walking from place to place, sitting down and talking for a bit and then walking somewhere else. SOOO Friday overall was a lot but not really anything at the same time. Highlights from Friday were the incredible beauty of the mountains, Star gazing (because you could actually see them), and the overall precious-ness of the town.

Saturday, was the crazy day. I had lunch with Monica and Guillermo and their friends (20-something of us total). The thing is I didn't know what I was getting myself into before hand, I just knew that potatoes and hamburgers sounded better than chicken and rice. So we got to this park, just a little outside of town, around 12:30 with a crate full of potatoes and packaged meat and 20 some high-schoolers to make it all into a meal. I don't think we ate until 3:30. And the whole time the only person who tried to talk to me was Monica. Which was fine. But also not. I did go exploring a bit while they were making food, since there was nothing for me to do. I felt a little bad because I didn't tell anyone where I was going, but I needed to get away from their eyes and M and G didn't really care where I was anyway. And that was fun. I took lots of pictures and it was nice to just not be around anyone for a bit. There's nowhere in the city where that's possible, so it's been a while since I've been able to get completely away from people. So yeah, we ate. Then the bull festivities began at 5. They had a little square of the city blocked out and they would let a bull loose and people could go inside the barriers and try to run close to the bull without being impaled. It was cray. I felt bad for the bulls. People would kick at them and hit them with sticks if they got close enough. I was not a fan. But when in Spain...
In the evening there was more crazy. They let loose another bull and attached balls of some flammable material to the horns and lit them. Then people would again try to get close and touch the bull.. but considerably less than before. Then after this ended there was a live band that came and played all sorts of "Rock" covers. I can not express to you how happy I was. There were a few in Spanish but mostly english. And after that day I was happy to hear english.

Sunday I got up around 11 and went on a walk with Begoña (mom) and Titín (dad). It ended up being a lot better than I expected. Sometimes I get nervous around Titín because I think he doesn't really know what to do with me and so we end up both feeling awkward. Plus his accent is semi difficult for me to understand. BUT, it was so good. I got to relax and just laugh with them a bit at stupid things like creepy footstep echoes. We came back for lunch, I ended up sleeping and working on school work most of the afternoon and then hanging out with Begoña and Titín and their friends a bit more in the evening before we came back  to Valencia.

Today is a national holiday. Turns out Columbus day is also celebrated in Spain because duh he came from here. So Happy Columbus day.
This week I have all my midterms. So if you think about it, shoot up a prayer for memory and for understanding.

Week 5: Count Your Blessings

This week has been such a struggle.

I've been in a "I don't want to try anymore" mood most of the time. Which is not improved by classes where I'm constantly getting answers wrong.
I hit a point where I was just done with being humiliated. My personality is SO performance oriented. If I'm not able to do something well, chances are I won't do it. I don't really enjoy that about myself, but it's there. So living here is a constant battle with my instinct to just quit, stop trying, be content with mediocrity. Some days it's been easier to stay home and mope than go out and engage the world. It's easier to dwell in self pity and irritation than to see the good that is constantly walking alongside the hard. And this week I did that. A lot.
BUT, there is good. There is grace. There is always opportunity to change your trajectory and choose higher thoughts. I know this. I'm told this often. But it changes nothing until I decide that that's what needs to happen. And sometimes I'm stubborn. So three crappy days later I finally decided, enough. Time to think about the good.
1) I love my professors -- they're so quirky. Christina is all drama and jokes. Carlos makes the funniest faces when he's thinking and is very encouraging when we get things right (also blunt when we make mistakes- I don't love that as much). Jarque talks SOO fast, but is super sweet and also blunt but in a funny way so it hurts less ;)
2) I'm starting to make better deeper relationships with those around me. One on Ones are the way to go. I'm convinced. So I went out with Hannah (British- from GBU college group) the other night and got to know her a bit more (also nailed my British accent) and then Rachel (from my school-  here and in the states) and I went to coffee and got to talk about our lives and went into some moments that have shaped us into who we are so we could understand each other better. Then Dessa and I have been hanging out during my free hour in the mornings and got to talk about our struggles in our walks with Christ and things we've learned/are learning. That was such a cool moment. (Thanks to Amanda Cook's Brave New World for facilitating that (Go listen to it if you haven't!!))
3) I've started to think in Spanish a lot more often. I have to figure out different ways to express my ideas when I talk because I don't always know the words I want to say. So that's fun. And I think will be helpful for all of life because problem solving. Still haven't dreamed in Spanish... so thanks to everyone who told me that that's how I know I've arrived. It probably is but come on. Talk about pressure.
4) I'm still not homesick. I miss people, I miss food (chipotle, chikfila, Coffee). Every once in a while I miss being able to shower for as long as I want (#spoiled), But I don't want to leave this country. I thought this week that once I hit that point is probably when my Spanish is going to actually click all the way. But that's fine.
5) My family is awesome. This weekend we're going to a town the mountains (2 hours drive North west) And I'm so excited. No wifi. And no Americans. It's going to be awesome.
6) Reading the Bible in Spanish is like my favorite thing. It's like understanding anew my favorite verses. LOVE.
7) The struggle means growth is happening.
8) I figured out one girl, who I thought didn't like me, thought I didn't like her. So now I get to stop feeling judged by her and just be nice so she realizes that's not true.

I'm sure there are more. But that's what I've got off the top of my head. Happy count your blessings day.

Week 4: Familia

Every time I write I feel like it's been so long since I've written last. So much happens here.

I've had many many classes since I last wrote. I'm getting to the point where it's more of a struggle to want to go to them just because I'm so incredibly exhausted from all the translation. Fortunately (unfortunately?) class attendance is "obligatory" so there's no deciding if I should go or not. But the teachers are fun and each have their own special personalities so it's not the worst thing ever ;P Also they want us to be practicing our Spanish so they ask how are weekends are and get us talking about different things. It's nice because they most of them don't have a specific curriculum to get through so  they don't rush through things and if we end up talking about my weekend in Barcelona and the political structure of Spain and Cataluña for 40 of our 60 minutes in class, it's okay (yes that happened today).
Mom and Dad have been here since Tuesday. So, much of this past week has been showing them around. I got to show them the beach and the city center and the Ciudad de las Artes y Ciencias. It's been a fun experience trying to maneuver around this city. I've never driven it, so I've been very little help. But it made me realize how much more Spanish I've learned since I've been here. It doesn't feel like it sometimes because it's a day a time. But I know enough to get us around and to express most of what I'm trying to say when people are patient with me. So that's encouraging.
Then this weekend we went to Barcelona. Oh my. We got there and the only thing in my head was "I'm so fancy". The city felt very English European to me. I've never been to England. But because of the huge amounts of tourists that go there, there was English all around. At most restaurants the servers spoke English (only a little disappointed) and the tours we went on were in English as well.
We went on a walking tour when we first got there with the guy, Reuben from the UK. He was hilarious. I couldn't handle it. I laughed so much more than anyone else (go figure) which I'll never understand. Why don't people just laugh when things are funny?! Anyway, it was super interesting AND exciting for me to hear in English and see in person some of the things that I've been learning about in History.
We also visited the Sagrada Familia and Park Güell which we were there. Both were absolutely beautiful and packed with tourists. Everything in me rebels at the idea of being a tourist. I just want to learn the people and places and cultures. BUT when you only have 2 days, what can you do? It was fun to see everything.
My gosh have I fallen in love with Europe. Wow. I freaking love it here. If I could take all the people I love and miss and bring them here with me, by golly, I would never leave.
We went to Hillsong Barcelona Sunday morning! It was so good! Ugh! Matt Olthoff spoke in English and another guy translated into Spanish which was helpful for my Spanish because I was able to see how he translated specific phrases. Both of them were so passionate and he/they spoke about dreams, which gets me every time. Matt talked about how he was pastoring a mega church in California when he felt God calling him to more. He talked about how Moses held his staff, which represented all that he was (livelihood, protection, provision), in his hand and all it was was a dead piece of wood. But when he let go of that and set it down when God told him to, it became a living, breathing thing. I was so fired up. So good. I can't wait to see what happens when God breathes life into my dreams. I guess I'm seeing it now, being in Spain. The world is at my fingertips.

Tonight Mom and Dad came over for dinner with my host family. My heart is so full. I learned so much about my host family that I didn't know before. And I talked more to them than I have all together before. Usually I talk with Begoña (mom) and sometimes Sofia and Monica, but not usually the guys. And not all together. I love them all so much. It was so fun to have them all together and to be able to translate for them when they wouldn't know how to say things in English. It's nerve wracking to translate from Spanish to English when they understand a little of it because I'm rarely 100% on my understanding of what they're saying and I don't want to get it wrong. But it was good.
I'm so incredibly blessed to live with this family and to have this opportunity.

Week 3: Culture + Amigos

It's been a good week. There have been many hard days and many low points. But it's been good. 

I talked to 2 of the girls from my school on Sunday after school about some of the things that have been a struggle since we've been here. It was good to have a moment of honesty and talk about things that God has taught us and how He brought us here. It's been difficult for me to connect with them. But that helped a little I think. 

Rachel, the other girl from Cedarville and the only one I've really connected with, and I talked about our desires for our time here on Wednesday. We both talked about our struggles getting to know the others in our school and how we wanted to get to know more Spaniards and get involved in the culture. We also were both at camps this past summer, so the struggle of transitioning to another country from that environment is one that we can share. 

Rachel has a pen pal that she had been writing for several years who goes to school here in Valencia. They met when she got here and he invited her and whoever else she wanted to come to a "party" with him and some of his friends. So her and I went and hung out with them Thursday night. It was a blast. Most of them spoke a small amount of English so we were able to communicate pretty well. Except most of them assumed that when I didn't understand something the first time (because they talked to fast or I couldn't hear them) that I didn't know Spanish and they needed to translate. So that was a little frustrating. But over all it was fun to make friends. 

Cultural discoveries: It's very normal here to hang out in the streets outside of clubs or bars or at the beach super late at night. They buy their own alcohol from stores (because drinking age is 18) and then just hang out and drink until it's gone. Then they'll go into the clubs or where ever. Many students will go go out around midnight and come back at 6 or 7 in the morning. One professor told us that his daughter (16) would go out and not get back until 6 but that he felt better letting her stay out until her friends were done and they could leave together rather than giving her a curfew and her having to get home by herself. That's the culture here. It's so intriguing. My window is open most nights because there's no air conditioning, and the weekends there are often people yelling and being obnoxious outside. So that's fun. 

Amigo discoveries: I like Spanish people more than the Americans I know here. When I'm with my family here or with Spanish friends they are almost alway very patient with me, willing to repeat and wait while I try to figure out ways to say what I'm thinking. The others from my school act like I'm stupid when I don't get things the first time. That drives me crazy. I know I shouldn't care what they think of me. But it does not make me keen to hang out with them. So I've decided I will hang out with them as little as possible outside of school and do what I can to make more friends who speak Spanish. That's the best thing I can do to learn the language anyway. As little English as possible. Which means no Americans. 

Today has been a blast. I went to the beach with my sisters (I've decided to just refer to them as my family because it's easier), and we had so much fun. They're hilarious. Quirky, as we all are. Monica informed me that she doesn't believe in God. So that's a prayer request if you think about it. 

And that's all I've got for now :) 

Week 2

What a week!
I'm learning so much and every day of learning is fun. Mostly.
I love making progress. So as long as I can feel myself improving I feel as though I'm walking on air. It's days like yesterday, when I talk to very few people, and I give myself a break that I tend to wallow. And I get discouraged.
It's so incredibly difficult some days to put myself out there repeatedly to try and meet more people. Some days I want nothing more than to lay in bed and watch movies or read a book and talk to no one. But I'm not here to talk to no one. Silly Megan. Get out of bed.

The good thing is that God is awesome [duh]
I was so encouraged yesterday to read my favorite Psalm in my new Spanish Bible. It took a little while because I had to look up words I didn't know. But I just get so freaking excited when I think about how God is a God who speaks every language, who can communicate with all because He created all AND He is sovereign over all! Hello, Megan. Stop feeling like you're all alone, because your Best Friend is closer than air always. 
Also Spanish worship music is the BOMB.

My classes are great. I really love them. General translation is difficult to have first thing in the morning because my translations are not usually right.. or the most right option. So Carlos (so quirky) tells me I'm wrong a lot. And I don't really enjoy that. But I do enjoy learning. And you only learn by trying. And History of Spain. Yikes. In order to get anything from that class, I have to translate my notes when I get home. I didn't learn ANY of those words in Spanish class.

And church. I went again this last night. OH! Funny Story: They had on their website "Noche de Equipo" = Team Night. And I thought, Great! Team night. Maybe a smaller group of people, maybe small groups? Maybe the core group? So I went. I walked in the door and said "Hey this is team night right? [yup] What is team night?" "oh it's a night for our volunteers" "... oh...*contemplates walking home*" "But you're totally welcome to stay! There will probably be other new people too!"
So I stayed. And it ended up being great I talked to lots of people that I had met the week before, some briefly, some longer. It ended up being great. It was just funny because it was not at all what I'd expected. Also, Spaniards do the whole double kiss thing to greet each other. So one guy came up to me "hola!" *Kiss kiss* "Como te llamas?" (What's your name?) *Me: DYING (from mostly awkward laughter) inside* I'm So not used to that.

But I've met many people who are helping me with my Spanish which is great/annoying/needed.
LOL.

Life. It's good, folks. It's good. It's hard, but it's good.

Opportunities Abound!

Oh my. Sometimes I'm so overwhelmed at the life I get to live. Why would a God so big and so perfect and so everything ever want someone so insignificant as me? There is absolutely no logical reasoning. He is too good to me.

Today was so good. I met Lorena and Erick at church on Sunday. Today I met them across the city for lunch. Geeky diversity moment here: Erick is from Bolivia, now Spain and speaks Spanish (and English), Lorena is from Switzerland and speaks German (also Spanish, French, and English), and I of course am from the states and speak English. HOW COOL! I LOVE DIVERSITY! And in that time we were together we were able to share some of our stories and teach each other and encourage each other in our attempts at the others language. We all had something to give, as though we were created in this way to fill each others weaknesses ;)
I just kept thinking the whole time "It is a good thing to have friends."

Then tonight at dinner, I ate with my host parents only --the kids were not there. And so I was able to talk more with them than usual. Begoña told me that she was reading the website of the church I went to on Sunday and wondered what the difference was between that and the Catholic church.
Internal Megan: WHAT?!
I floundered a bunch with my attempt to explain it to them in Spanish. But I invited them to come with me sometime and she said she would.
Regardless of what happened in that moment, my heart is amazed because:
1) I get to live with them for 2 1/2 more months! And in that time I will be continuously getting better at Spanish and better able to communicate.
2) They were so open. She genuinely wanted to know and was interested in the answer.
3) I'm in freaking Spain and getting the chance to witness to a family through my life AND my words! God is so good.

I'm struck to day by my inabilities to do all that I wish I could, and at the same time by God's unending faithfulness in giving me chances to grow and using me in spite of myself. He doesn't need me to be perfect. He needs me to follow.
So I will follow, like clay in Your hands, moving only as you move me.

The Church-- I've never been more grateful

Sunday I spent the day in bed. I worked on homework and tried to refresh myself on the ridiculous number of past tense verbs. I was nervous about going to a Spanish church. I was excited because HOW COOL! But I was nervous because it was my first time and I didn't know what to expect.

I met two girls from my school there and we stood awkwardly outside (there were a bunch of people congregated on the sidewalk) for about 10 seconds before someone came over and asked if we were Americans (I will consider it a success when people don't immediately know that from looking at me). The girl, Kate was her name, talked to us for a bit introduced us to a girl from Switzerland, Llorena, and welcomed us inside. When we sat down, the pastor's wife introduced herself and said we could talk later.
We sang a bunch of Hillsong songs in Spanish and then sat through the service. I caught that it was about Jacob and Esau and that's about it. There were two salvations!! WOOHOO!
Afterwards the girls I came with and Llorena talked a bit and then the other girls left and Llorena and I decided to go out to dinner. We admitted that we'd both been hoping that people from the church would go out after so we hung back... and good thing too! About 20 people from the church all went to a restaurant just a few minutes away and I met so many people.
There's something to say about Christ followers that truly follow Christ. Everyone I've met here have been kind. But never (in the last week) did I feel so welcome as in that group of people who continuously engaged me in conversation and patiently waited while I stumbled through my attempts at Spanish.
I will go back, not because the message was amazing (I barely understood it) and not because the music was great (although it was) but because the body of Christ reached out their hands and welcomed me into a family when I had none.
What a truly beautiful reminder to us all. Who are you reaching out to?

In other news, I still don't speak much Spanish but I understand and attempt to speak more every day.
I'm finding Spanish movies online and listening to Spanish playlists.
I feel like I regress every time I speak and read and whatever in English. So I'm trying to do that as little as possible (aside from this blog ;) )
Classes are long but good.. well the classes aren't long but the days are. Monday through Thursday look like this
9-10                     Class
10:10-11:10         Class
11:11-12:29         Homework? Explore?
12:30-1:30           Class
2:30                     Lunch
3:15- 6                 Homework? Siesta
6:30-7:30             Class
7:45- 8:45            Class
9:00                     Dinner
10- ?                    Kill time until tired enough to sleep :)


Oh also my roommate moved out today because her program doesn't want her living with someone from another program. Whoops. :/

Weekend Shenanigans

Yesterday,  I woke up and went running. Running is good because it's practice doing things I don't want to do. The problem is my self control right now is muy bajo. So it didn't really go well. But hey I still ran right?
I went to the river, which is really a park. Well it used to be a river and they turned it into a park that splits the city virtually in half. It has a 10 k path from one end of the park to the other. New goal? Maybe. It'll be harder without my running buddies :(
Anyway I had my first real freak out moment in which I got super lonely and kind of mad that I was here and didn't know anyone or have anyone to talk to. It was bound to happen sooner or later. I walked around the city later that day with the two others that are here from Cedarville, Aaron and Rachel, and that helped. Although we never really ended up anywhere. We tried to get to a few places and never found them because everyone sucks at directions and maps and I never trusted my gut. Plus there's something kind of exhilarating about being lost. Call me crazy.
4 hours of being lost was a little much for my legs though. It was hard to move the rest of the night.

I tried to ask my host parents how the food was a a restaurante that I'd passed and they thought I was asking for permission and semi scolded me about how they're here to help and I can do whatever I want I just need to let them know if I'll be here for meals. Which is great. But I'm looking forward to the day that I can communicate without being misunderstood.

Today we went to la peñíscola which as a BEAUTIFUL peninsula with a castle and beaches! :D I got burnt. (The sun is hotter here). But it was a really good day. And I made a friend! YAY!

Super excited for church tomorrow!

Arrival!

I arrived in Valencia two days ago now. It feels like so much longer. Wow.
I'm living with a host family of two parents and three kids (Guillermo 17; Monica 15; Sofia 12). And we are a short bus away from the downtown and a 10 minute walk from my school. I also have a roommate who is going to la Universidad de Valencia. Her name is Karina and she is wonderful.

I totally botched my first meet with the family and pretty much every conversation since. I understand the jist of what people are saying to me. But when they ask specific questions I freeze or I just don't understand enough to answer correctly. They've learned to slow down so that each word is separated and I can nod or shake my head whether I know it or not. It's an adventure.

Yesterday we had orientation and went on a bus tour of Valencia. I thought at one point "I hate traveling. I'm never doing this again." But that has not been the overall impression (sorry mom and dad ;)) This city is beautiful. But also smelly at times. And there are lots of smelly people here. Body odor is unfortunately not uncommon. My nose is not my friend.

I also went exploring with Karina and one of her friends from school. Karina is super independent and adventurous, so I enjoy tagging along with her and she enjoys (or at least tolerates) my questions like how do I use an ATM and silly things like that.

My school has a total of 5 students. 3 professors. So the classes are tiny. I have three in the morning and 2 in the evening every day Monday through Thursday. They are wonderful... at least so far. We started today. It's nice to have such small classes because the professors really care about whether or not we understand and so when I make a face like I don't get it they ask and then repeat. So all that to say they all know what level I'm at with Spanish... I'm going for most improved by the end of the semester.

So that's what's happened thus far; Emotionally, things are good. I got great sleep last night. I love my host family. I'm enjoying getting to know the city. It feels like it's going to be forever until I go home so I try not to think about that too much. Every day is just so long. But it's not forever. And I'm going to enjoy every second I have here.

I'm excited to go to church on Sunday and hopefully meet some people who love Jesus. I miss talking about Him with people who get it.

Some interesting things I've noticed (and/or read online) so far:
-Spanish people don't make eye contact in passing
-Lunch is around 2, dinner around 9
-Families eat lunch together- and work/school schedules are created with this in mind.
-People love to look nice (which is great because I don't really own nice clothes-- hello new wardrobe)
-It's smelly
-Bikers are intense, also men are vocal ("muy guapa" .. oh...uh... you too?)

That's it for now.
Thanks for reading. See you soon!