I suppose I shouldn't promise what I can't deliver, huh? #wednesday
Last week was crazy. As I said before I had 5 midterms. So virtually all my time that wasn't in class, was studying for the next test. And they all went so well-- Hooray! Thanks for your prayers!
The weekend then was such a treat. Thursday night, after all our exams were finished, Dessa, Alyssa, Erick and I went to a jam/concert thing put on by our friend Rebecca from church. (Rebecca is studying to get a masters at Berklee Valencia) It was so fun. I couldn't believe her scat capabilities. It wasn't primarily music I would listen to on my own. But I LOVE to watch and listen to musicians who do what they do well and love doing it. It brings so much joy to my heart. I had the dorkiest grin on my face the whole time. It was awesome.
Friday, Dessa and I went and did a photo shoot around the city, because why not? And then got coffee in a cute little cafe and talked for a while. Side note: Dessa has become probably my closest friend here and has taught me so much. We both have a free hour in between morning classes so we just sit and talk about life. I've spent so much time ranting to her about frustrations, and so much time talking about God and all that he has taught and is teaching me. And she's done the same for me (although usually not as dramatically with the ranting). Slowly but surely we're learning what makes us us. And that's a beautiful thing. It's a testimony to me to love first and "seek first to understand" (That's been my motto lately) because everyone has a story and a reason for being who they are, and when I understand and choose to accept them as they are and not be frustrated because they aren't who I want them to be, I'm able to learn so much from them and develop truly beautiful relationships.
On our way to the concert Thursday night, we had passed a 50's themed American diner that was super cute so we decided to try it out for lunch on Saturday. So Dessa, Alyssa, Aaron and Juan (church) all met at this restaurant and then walked around afterwards until the girls went to the Caminando por Libertad.
Sunday I did homework and went to church.
All the time that I wasn't doing stuff this weekend I was reading this book, Marina, for my Spanish literature class. It's slow going because it's all in Spanish and I have to look up a lot of words. But it's written so beautifully that I don't even care. God is constantly giving me beautiful things to wow over. I love that. He's pretty cool.
Today I met with my Intercambio (someone who's learning English-- so we can help each other)
The first day we actually met was a mess because I was flustered and so was having a hard time understanding and speaking coherently. But today went really well. I understood most of what he was saying and I made sense. I still think my best practice is coming home and talking to Begoña because she helps my grammar and she understands what I intend to say so she can help me get there when I'm having a hard time. All that to say, my Spanish is not perfect. But I can communicate. And that's nice.
I'm finding a lot of things more difficult than I used to. I revert to english amidst Spanish conversations with Spanish people, (like, yeah, what, cool-- simple words that I don't think about that just slip out). But I think maybe that's not a terrible thing because it means that Spanish is becoming more natural and I'm not thinking as hard about it, which is why little English phrases still slip out sometimes. It's harder to decide to go out if there won't be anyone I know or I have to meet new people. Things that I did consistently the first two weeks because I had to are harder now, 7 weeks in. My do-what-you-don't-want-to muscles have got to be huge by now and also my little baby extrovert has grown at least into a toddler.
I miss people around whom I feel fully confident about being myself. Which has spiraled into a lot of self-talks about not living for the expectations of the world or those around me. I nurse my dreams and my passions carefully, wary of people who would try to pop holes in my balloons and land my floating house. But I'm becoming more and more aware and also willing to live in the identity that the Lord has given me and not worry about what others may think. I don't want to live in a box, not one I put myself in and not one others put me in. And that's okay. I can be who I am without labels.
It's been on my mind because when I first arrived I was trying so hard to look the culture and be a part of Spain and was almost embarrassed to let people know that I'm American. And then I realized, no one expects me to fit perfectly into their culture. They understand if I don't do the right thing or say the right words. I don't have to forsake my past to have this present. I am who I am because of where I came, just like everyone else and there's no reason to hide that.
All that to say, "Life's a climb, but the view's great" (Thank you Hannah Montana movie). Not all of my time here has been easy, but I'm loving it. Life is a mix of hard and beautiful and I live to embrace both. It's better that way.
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