Last week was one for the books.
Classes are pretty lull these days. Nothing particularly notable in them, other than I'm learning things. Yay.
But other life things are good. I'm finally to the point of understanding my class mates enough to just love them. I guess I've been here for a while but it hit me this week. When I was on HeartSong the mindset is that these are the people you get to serve/live/lead/love with for the next year so you better learn to love them. It's not an option. And it was easy. Because when you decide to love someone no matter what, you choose to look at and see them in ways that help you to like them too. You seek to understand what makes them them. And once you understand why they act as they do, it's harder to be upset that it's not how you would have acted or how you prefer them to be-- because it's about them, not you. Or at least that's how it was for me.
But I didn't come here with that mindset. I came here thinking "what if I don't understand anything?" "what if I don't get any better?" "these people will never be like my friends from home" "It's not helpful to my Spanish to talk to them"
It was all about me. I didn't seek to understand. If someone annoyed me I just wrote them off as "never going to be friends"
But after a while, and after conversations with Dessa that reminded me that I wasn't the only one who was struggling, that we needed each other. "Maybe God brought all of us from different parts of the US together in Spain because we needed each other." oh. I guess I should be willing to give a little then, huh? God just smiles. He knows I'm slow.
Now here we are, able to laugh about our professors and our Spanish struggles. We're able to push each other and look after each other and be community. That's pretty cool. Church isn't just a building, people.
In other news, Rachel and I share a common love for music, especially live music. So there are these "jam sessions" in bars all over the city where whoever wants to play can come and play. Usually they're specific to a certain type of music. So our friend Chris had one that he was going to play at Wednesday night, so we decided to check it out. (Side note to my musical friends, jamming is so much better when you listen to each other and don't try to hog the spotlight. 4 people playing different instruments who all want to be the center and show off what they can do...it doesn't sound good.) It was fun though. And afterwards Chris had a recording session and he said we could sit in an listen. So of course we took him up on that! And the music was actually good too. We got home at 2. And had classes the next day. That was interesting. But totally worth it.
We also went to an open mic night last Friday that was KILLER. It was mostly Berklee students so duh. They knew what was up. I can't listen to music without moving and I can't watch/listen to (good) live music without a ridiculously dorky smile on my face and lots of "yass" "What!" "You go." "mmmmm" "no. stop"
So that happened a lot. So much fun. We also bumped into our professor from CU there. So that was hilarious.
Afterwards we went with some church friends (Chris and Rebecca) to one of their friend's house and just chilled and listened to crazy bass songs and ate food and hung out. This guy was korean and the best host of my life. Also just a very strange character. He said whatever he thought. So blunt. But it was funny for some reason. Probably because it was so unexpected. I don't know. It was an experience for sure. We didn't get home until 5:30 am. Yikes.
Saturday was a reminder that no matter how many good things I have in my life (friends, music, food, chill evenings...) they are empty with out Christ. He, we, have to be first for any of it to matter. I have an all-in sort of personality. When I'm friends with someone I'm all the way committed to them. When I have a favorite song, it's on repeat for weeks. When I like something, I love it. So all the music nights and the hanging with friends, I was loving! But my temptation with that is to put everything I have into that and let my relationship with Christ lag. But it's not enough without Jesus. It was a little taste of the emptiness of the world. The inability of those things to fill the spot inside me that only Christ can. I'm grateful for this reminder. I'm grateful for the ways that He pursues. That in His jealousy for my whole heart, He reminds me of himself before I've taken more than a few steps away.
Friday, October 30, 2015
Wednesday, October 21, 2015
Week 7: Concerts, Pictures, and the Beauty of Struggle
I suppose I shouldn't promise what I can't deliver, huh? #wednesday
Last week was crazy. As I said before I had 5 midterms. So virtually all my time that wasn't in class, was studying for the next test. And they all went so well-- Hooray! Thanks for your prayers!
The weekend then was such a treat. Thursday night, after all our exams were finished, Dessa, Alyssa, Erick and I went to a jam/concert thing put on by our friend Rebecca from church. (Rebecca is studying to get a masters at Berklee Valencia) It was so fun. I couldn't believe her scat capabilities. It wasn't primarily music I would listen to on my own. But I LOVE to watch and listen to musicians who do what they do well and love doing it. It brings so much joy to my heart. I had the dorkiest grin on my face the whole time. It was awesome.
Friday, Dessa and I went and did a photo shoot around the city, because why not? And then got coffee in a cute little cafe and talked for a while. Side note: Dessa has become probably my closest friend here and has taught me so much. We both have a free hour in between morning classes so we just sit and talk about life. I've spent so much time ranting to her about frustrations, and so much time talking about God and all that he has taught and is teaching me. And she's done the same for me (although usually not as dramatically with the ranting). Slowly but surely we're learning what makes us us. And that's a beautiful thing. It's a testimony to me to love first and "seek first to understand" (That's been my motto lately) because everyone has a story and a reason for being who they are, and when I understand and choose to accept them as they are and not be frustrated because they aren't who I want them to be, I'm able to learn so much from them and develop truly beautiful relationships.
On our way to the concert Thursday night, we had passed a 50's themed American diner that was super cute so we decided to try it out for lunch on Saturday. So Dessa, Alyssa, Aaron and Juan (church) all met at this restaurant and then walked around afterwards until the girls went to the Caminando por Libertad.
Sunday I did homework and went to church.
All the time that I wasn't doing stuff this weekend I was reading this book, Marina, for my Spanish literature class. It's slow going because it's all in Spanish and I have to look up a lot of words. But it's written so beautifully that I don't even care. God is constantly giving me beautiful things to wow over. I love that. He's pretty cool.
Today I met with my Intercambio (someone who's learning English-- so we can help each other)
The first day we actually met was a mess because I was flustered and so was having a hard time understanding and speaking coherently. But today went really well. I understood most of what he was saying and I made sense. I still think my best practice is coming home and talking to Begoña because she helps my grammar and she understands what I intend to say so she can help me get there when I'm having a hard time. All that to say, my Spanish is not perfect. But I can communicate. And that's nice.
I'm finding a lot of things more difficult than I used to. I revert to english amidst Spanish conversations with Spanish people, (like, yeah, what, cool-- simple words that I don't think about that just slip out). But I think maybe that's not a terrible thing because it means that Spanish is becoming more natural and I'm not thinking as hard about it, which is why little English phrases still slip out sometimes. It's harder to decide to go out if there won't be anyone I know or I have to meet new people. Things that I did consistently the first two weeks because I had to are harder now, 7 weeks in. My do-what-you-don't-want-to muscles have got to be huge by now and also my little baby extrovert has grown at least into a toddler.
I miss people around whom I feel fully confident about being myself. Which has spiraled into a lot of self-talks about not living for the expectations of the world or those around me. I nurse my dreams and my passions carefully, wary of people who would try to pop holes in my balloons and land my floating house. But I'm becoming more and more aware and also willing to live in the identity that the Lord has given me and not worry about what others may think. I don't want to live in a box, not one I put myself in and not one others put me in. And that's okay. I can be who I am without labels.
It's been on my mind because when I first arrived I was trying so hard to look the culture and be a part of Spain and was almost embarrassed to let people know that I'm American. And then I realized, no one expects me to fit perfectly into their culture. They understand if I don't do the right thing or say the right words. I don't have to forsake my past to have this present. I am who I am because of where I came, just like everyone else and there's no reason to hide that.
All that to say, "Life's a climb, but the view's great" (Thank you Hannah Montana movie). Not all of my time here has been easy, but I'm loving it. Life is a mix of hard and beautiful and I live to embrace both. It's better that way.
Last week was crazy. As I said before I had 5 midterms. So virtually all my time that wasn't in class, was studying for the next test. And they all went so well-- Hooray! Thanks for your prayers!
The weekend then was such a treat. Thursday night, after all our exams were finished, Dessa, Alyssa, Erick and I went to a jam/concert thing put on by our friend Rebecca from church. (Rebecca is studying to get a masters at Berklee Valencia) It was so fun. I couldn't believe her scat capabilities. It wasn't primarily music I would listen to on my own. But I LOVE to watch and listen to musicians who do what they do well and love doing it. It brings so much joy to my heart. I had the dorkiest grin on my face the whole time. It was awesome.
Friday, Dessa and I went and did a photo shoot around the city, because why not? And then got coffee in a cute little cafe and talked for a while. Side note: Dessa has become probably my closest friend here and has taught me so much. We both have a free hour in between morning classes so we just sit and talk about life. I've spent so much time ranting to her about frustrations, and so much time talking about God and all that he has taught and is teaching me. And she's done the same for me (although usually not as dramatically with the ranting). Slowly but surely we're learning what makes us us. And that's a beautiful thing. It's a testimony to me to love first and "seek first to understand" (That's been my motto lately) because everyone has a story and a reason for being who they are, and when I understand and choose to accept them as they are and not be frustrated because they aren't who I want them to be, I'm able to learn so much from them and develop truly beautiful relationships.
On our way to the concert Thursday night, we had passed a 50's themed American diner that was super cute so we decided to try it out for lunch on Saturday. So Dessa, Alyssa, Aaron and Juan (church) all met at this restaurant and then walked around afterwards until the girls went to the Caminando por Libertad.
Sunday I did homework and went to church.
All the time that I wasn't doing stuff this weekend I was reading this book, Marina, for my Spanish literature class. It's slow going because it's all in Spanish and I have to look up a lot of words. But it's written so beautifully that I don't even care. God is constantly giving me beautiful things to wow over. I love that. He's pretty cool.
Today I met with my Intercambio (someone who's learning English-- so we can help each other)
The first day we actually met was a mess because I was flustered and so was having a hard time understanding and speaking coherently. But today went really well. I understood most of what he was saying and I made sense. I still think my best practice is coming home and talking to Begoña because she helps my grammar and she understands what I intend to say so she can help me get there when I'm having a hard time. All that to say, my Spanish is not perfect. But I can communicate. And that's nice.
I'm finding a lot of things more difficult than I used to. I revert to english amidst Spanish conversations with Spanish people, (like, yeah, what, cool-- simple words that I don't think about that just slip out). But I think maybe that's not a terrible thing because it means that Spanish is becoming more natural and I'm not thinking as hard about it, which is why little English phrases still slip out sometimes. It's harder to decide to go out if there won't be anyone I know or I have to meet new people. Things that I did consistently the first two weeks because I had to are harder now, 7 weeks in. My do-what-you-don't-want-to muscles have got to be huge by now and also my little baby extrovert has grown at least into a toddler.
I miss people around whom I feel fully confident about being myself. Which has spiraled into a lot of self-talks about not living for the expectations of the world or those around me. I nurse my dreams and my passions carefully, wary of people who would try to pop holes in my balloons and land my floating house. But I'm becoming more and more aware and also willing to live in the identity that the Lord has given me and not worry about what others may think. I don't want to live in a box, not one I put myself in and not one others put me in. And that's okay. I can be who I am without labels.
It's been on my mind because when I first arrived I was trying so hard to look the culture and be a part of Spain and was almost embarrassed to let people know that I'm American. And then I realized, no one expects me to fit perfectly into their culture. They understand if I don't do the right thing or say the right words. I don't have to forsake my past to have this present. I am who I am because of where I came, just like everyone else and there's no reason to hide that.
All that to say, "Life's a climb, but the view's great" (Thank you Hannah Montana movie). Not all of my time here has been easy, but I'm loving it. Life is a mix of hard and beautiful and I live to embrace both. It's better that way.
Saturday, October 17, 2015
#CaminandoPorLibertad
I'm going to break my tradition and post about today, today. Because it was amazing. Because I need to process it. And because it's too much to clump in with the rest of the week in my usual recap.(That'll come Monday or Tuesday per usual)
Also, I'm posting this on both blogs. Don't judge.
A21 is a campaign that exists to abolish sex slavery. Today, in cities all over the world, people came together in a #walkforfreedom to take a stand, raise awareness, and give a voice to those who don't have one. I joined them along with many from my church here in Valencia
We met at the Torres de Serrano and they told us how it was going to work. The Women would walk in a single-file line, silent and stoic. The men would walk on both sides talking to the people we passed and telling them what it was about. We walked for about an hour. As we walked, I was aware of those around us. The men that I'd met at church, talking to the people on the street. The people that we passed, watching us. The men especially. I noticed the men.
We stopped traffic. We had a police escort. There was plenty of attention on the line of women walking the streets of Valencia. But the attention was not for appearance, for that which women usually get attention. The attention was because there were at least a hundred of us, in all black, in a line. Silent.
As we walked I felt their eyes. I heard their voices.
"What is this?"
"You think a line will change anything?"
"Long live prostitution"
We walked through a neighborhood where prostitution happens every day; they told us before that we would. But I knew we were there because I felt it-- the oppression. I found out later that there had been women there hiding as we passed, and a few men got to talk to them and tell them why we were there. They said "Thank you" They were the reason we were there.
On that street I was even more aware of the men. Two of them walked up to our line saying "Oh look, you've lined the women up for us." I don't want to be afraid. I don't want to feel powerless to protect myself. But at that moment I did. And at that moment I was grateful for the men of God that flanked us. For the man that stood next to those two and kept them from us. What a picture that was to me.
Those men were fallen. They were so far from who God created them to be. They are the men I fear, though I would deny it. They are the men I expect, because they are what the world has made them. And by the world they are applauded. They are the reason for feminism. They are the reason I long to be independent, to stand on my own two feet and be under my own authority.
But the men in black walking alongside us. Those men have chosen a different path. Those men have chosen to love and to cherish. They've chosen to speak out for the women that are not able to. They've chosen to follow a Man who lived a different sort of life; a life to serve, to build up, to fight injustice. They are men I would follow.
We walked today in silence. And as we walked, I thought of all the women and children around the world without the option of speaking up for themselves. Those whose lives consist of abuse and heartache. The belief that "no one is coming." The depression that says I am alone in my nightmare. And my heart breaks. Every one of them is a dearly beloved child of God. Every one of them was bought for a price-- the blood of my savior.
And yet I sit, day in and day out, worried about petty things, rarely giving them a thought. Why am I not in their shoes? Why are they not in mine? Why do I not do more to help them? What can I do?
Today I gave myself to them as a metaphor. I walked in silence. I stood as a picture of those who can't.
Today I gave my prayers to them.
Today I gave my feet, my legs, my back.
Today I gave my heart to them.
Today I give my everything.
Also, I'm posting this on both blogs. Don't judge.
A21 is a campaign that exists to abolish sex slavery. Today, in cities all over the world, people came together in a #walkforfreedom to take a stand, raise awareness, and give a voice to those who don't have one. I joined them along with many from my church here in Valencia
We met at the Torres de Serrano and they told us how it was going to work. The Women would walk in a single-file line, silent and stoic. The men would walk on both sides talking to the people we passed and telling them what it was about. We walked for about an hour. As we walked, I was aware of those around us. The men that I'd met at church, talking to the people on the street. The people that we passed, watching us. The men especially. I noticed the men.
We stopped traffic. We had a police escort. There was plenty of attention on the line of women walking the streets of Valencia. But the attention was not for appearance, for that which women usually get attention. The attention was because there were at least a hundred of us, in all black, in a line. Silent.
As we walked I felt their eyes. I heard their voices.
"What is this?"
"You think a line will change anything?"
"Long live prostitution"
We walked through a neighborhood where prostitution happens every day; they told us before that we would. But I knew we were there because I felt it-- the oppression. I found out later that there had been women there hiding as we passed, and a few men got to talk to them and tell them why we were there. They said "Thank you" They were the reason we were there.
On that street I was even more aware of the men. Two of them walked up to our line saying "Oh look, you've lined the women up for us." I don't want to be afraid. I don't want to feel powerless to protect myself. But at that moment I did. And at that moment I was grateful for the men of God that flanked us. For the man that stood next to those two and kept them from us. What a picture that was to me.
Those men were fallen. They were so far from who God created them to be. They are the men I fear, though I would deny it. They are the men I expect, because they are what the world has made them. And by the world they are applauded. They are the reason for feminism. They are the reason I long to be independent, to stand on my own two feet and be under my own authority.
But the men in black walking alongside us. Those men have chosen a different path. Those men have chosen to love and to cherish. They've chosen to speak out for the women that are not able to. They've chosen to follow a Man who lived a different sort of life; a life to serve, to build up, to fight injustice. They are men I would follow.
We walked today in silence. And as we walked, I thought of all the women and children around the world without the option of speaking up for themselves. Those whose lives consist of abuse and heartache. The belief that "no one is coming." The depression that says I am alone in my nightmare. And my heart breaks. Every one of them is a dearly beloved child of God. Every one of them was bought for a price-- the blood of my savior.
And yet I sit, day in and day out, worried about petty things, rarely giving them a thought. Why am I not in their shoes? Why are they not in mine? Why do I not do more to help them? What can I do?
Today I gave myself to them as a metaphor. I walked in silence. I stood as a picture of those who can't.
Today I gave my prayers to them.
Today I gave my feet, my legs, my back.
Today I gave my heart to them.
Today I give my everything.
Monday, October 12, 2015
Week 6: Mountains
I was slacking last week and didn't post until Thursday. So there's less to cover today. But that's all the better really because it was a full weekend.
As I mentioned last time I went to the mountains with the fam this weekend. The town is called Arcos de las Salinas (Search it on Google Images if you want). It's tiny and precious. There was only one bathroom in the house. The whole place is heated by a fireplace in the kitchen. I wore wool socks (thanks Mom!) and a flannel all weekend (yes, I loved it.)
Friday we arrived in time for lunch (2pm) and got all our stuff situated. I got a room to myself and a queen bed-- both were happy surprises. We watched a bit of tv and cuddled to keep warm and then Sofia and I went out to explore a bit. We walked a little ways up one side of the mountain, enough to be able to see the whole town. Stunning. Wow. I wanted to go back up there by myself (Sofia is sweet, but she likes to talk) but I never got a chance. We explored a bit more, and looked extra awkward while waiting for Begoña to finish talking with friends and go home for dinner. After dinner, Sofía and I watched a movie while Monica, Guillermo and smoked hookah in the basement (Side note: I've never understood the point of that). Then we all went out and chilled for a bit. Nothing was happening so in actuality it was an evening of walking from place to place, sitting down and talking for a bit and then walking somewhere else. SOOO Friday overall was a lot but not really anything at the same time. Highlights from Friday were the incredible beauty of the mountains, Star gazing (because you could actually see them), and the overall precious-ness of the town.
Saturday, was the crazy day. I had lunch with Monica and Guillermo and their friends (20-something of us total). The thing is I didn't know what I was getting myself into before hand, I just knew that potatoes and hamburgers sounded better than chicken and rice. So we got to this park, just a little outside of town, around 12:30 with a crate full of potatoes and packaged meat and 20 some high-schoolers to make it all into a meal. I don't think we ate until 3:30. And the whole time the only person who tried to talk to me was Monica. Which was fine. But also not. I did go exploring a bit while they were making food, since there was nothing for me to do. I felt a little bad because I didn't tell anyone where I was going, but I needed to get away from their eyes and M and G didn't really care where I was anyway. And that was fun. I took lots of pictures and it was nice to just not be around anyone for a bit. There's nowhere in the city where that's possible, so it's been a while since I've been able to get completely away from people. So yeah, we ate. Then the bull festivities began at 5. They had a little square of the city blocked out and they would let a bull loose and people could go inside the barriers and try to run close to the bull without being impaled. It was cray. I felt bad for the bulls. People would kick at them and hit them with sticks if they got close enough. I was not a fan. But when in Spain...
In the evening there was more crazy. They let loose another bull and attached balls of some flammable material to the horns and lit them. Then people would again try to get close and touch the bull.. but considerably less than before. Then after this ended there was a live band that came and played all sorts of "Rock" covers. I can not express to you how happy I was. There were a few in Spanish but mostly english. And after that day I was happy to hear english.
Sunday I got up around 11 and went on a walk with Begoña (mom) and Titín (dad). It ended up being a lot better than I expected. Sometimes I get nervous around Titín because I think he doesn't really know what to do with me and so we end up both feeling awkward. Plus his accent is semi difficult for me to understand. BUT, it was so good. I got to relax and just laugh with them a bit at stupid things like creepy footstep echoes. We came back for lunch, I ended up sleeping and working on school work most of the afternoon and then hanging out with Begoña and Titín and their friends a bit more in the evening before we came back to Valencia.
Today is a national holiday. Turns out Columbus day is also celebrated in Spain because duh he came from here. So Happy Columbus day.
This week I have all my midterms. So if you think about it, shoot up a prayer for memory and for understanding.
As I mentioned last time I went to the mountains with the fam this weekend. The town is called Arcos de las Salinas (Search it on Google Images if you want). It's tiny and precious. There was only one bathroom in the house. The whole place is heated by a fireplace in the kitchen. I wore wool socks (thanks Mom!) and a flannel all weekend (yes, I loved it.)
Friday we arrived in time for lunch (2pm) and got all our stuff situated. I got a room to myself and a queen bed-- both were happy surprises. We watched a bit of tv and cuddled to keep warm and then Sofia and I went out to explore a bit. We walked a little ways up one side of the mountain, enough to be able to see the whole town. Stunning. Wow. I wanted to go back up there by myself (Sofia is sweet, but she likes to talk) but I never got a chance. We explored a bit more, and looked extra awkward while waiting for Begoña to finish talking with friends and go home for dinner. After dinner, Sofía and I watched a movie while Monica, Guillermo and smoked hookah in the basement (Side note: I've never understood the point of that). Then we all went out and chilled for a bit. Nothing was happening so in actuality it was an evening of walking from place to place, sitting down and talking for a bit and then walking somewhere else. SOOO Friday overall was a lot but not really anything at the same time. Highlights from Friday were the incredible beauty of the mountains, Star gazing (because you could actually see them), and the overall precious-ness of the town.Saturday, was the crazy day. I had lunch with Monica and Guillermo and their friends (20-something of us total). The thing is I didn't know what I was getting myself into before hand, I just knew that potatoes and hamburgers sounded better than chicken and rice. So we got to this park, just a little outside of town, around 12:30 with a crate full of potatoes and packaged meat and 20 some high-schoolers to make it all into a meal. I don't think we ate until 3:30. And the whole time the only person who tried to talk to me was Monica. Which was fine. But also not. I did go exploring a bit while they were making food, since there was nothing for me to do. I felt a little bad because I didn't tell anyone where I was going, but I needed to get away from their eyes and M and G didn't really care where I was anyway. And that was fun. I took lots of pictures and it was nice to just not be around anyone for a bit. There's nowhere in the city where that's possible, so it's been a while since I've been able to get completely away from people. So yeah, we ate. Then the bull festivities began at 5. They had a little square of the city blocked out and they would let a bull loose and people could go inside the barriers and try to run close to the bull without being impaled. It was cray. I felt bad for the bulls. People would kick at them and hit them with sticks if they got close enough. I was not a fan. But when in Spain...
In the evening there was more crazy. They let loose another bull and attached balls of some flammable material to the horns and lit them. Then people would again try to get close and touch the bull.. but considerably less than before. Then after this ended there was a live band that came and played all sorts of "Rock" covers. I can not express to you how happy I was. There were a few in Spanish but mostly english. And after that day I was happy to hear english.Sunday I got up around 11 and went on a walk with Begoña (mom) and Titín (dad). It ended up being a lot better than I expected. Sometimes I get nervous around Titín because I think he doesn't really know what to do with me and so we end up both feeling awkward. Plus his accent is semi difficult for me to understand. BUT, it was so good. I got to relax and just laugh with them a bit at stupid things like creepy footstep echoes. We came back for lunch, I ended up sleeping and working on school work most of the afternoon and then hanging out with Begoña and Titín and their friends a bit more in the evening before we came back to Valencia.
Today is a national holiday. Turns out Columbus day is also celebrated in Spain because duh he came from here. So Happy Columbus day.
This week I have all my midterms. So if you think about it, shoot up a prayer for memory and for understanding.
Thursday, October 8, 2015
Week 5: Count Your Blessings
This week has been such a struggle.
I've been in a "I don't want to try anymore" mood most of the time. Which is not improved by classes where I'm constantly getting answers wrong.
I hit a point where I was just done with being humiliated. My personality is SO performance oriented. If I'm not able to do something well, chances are I won't do it. I don't really enjoy that about myself, but it's there. So living here is a constant battle with my instinct to just quit, stop trying, be content with mediocrity. Some days it's been easier to stay home and mope than go out and engage the world. It's easier to dwell in self pity and irritation than to see the good that is constantly walking alongside the hard. And this week I did that. A lot.
BUT, there is good. There is grace. There is always opportunity to change your trajectory and choose higher thoughts. I know this. I'm told this often. But it changes nothing until I decide that that's what needs to happen. And sometimes I'm stubborn. So three crappy days later I finally decided, enough. Time to think about the good.
1) I love my professors -- they're so quirky. Christina is all drama and jokes. Carlos makes the funniest faces when he's thinking and is very encouraging when we get things right (also blunt when we make mistakes- I don't love that as much). Jarque talks SOO fast, but is super sweet and also blunt but in a funny way so it hurts less ;)
2) I'm starting to make better deeper relationships with those around me. One on Ones are the way to go. I'm convinced. So I went out with Hannah (British- from GBU college group) the other night and got to know her a bit more (also nailed my British accent) and then Rachel (from my school- here and in the states) and I went to coffee and got to talk about our lives and went into some moments that have shaped us into who we are so we could understand each other better. Then Dessa and I have been hanging out during my free hour in the mornings and got to talk about our struggles in our walks with Christ and things we've learned/are learning. That was such a cool moment. (Thanks to Amanda Cook's Brave New World for facilitating that (Go listen to it if you haven't!!))
3) I've started to think in Spanish a lot more often. I have to figure out different ways to express my ideas when I talk because I don't always know the words I want to say. So that's fun. And I think will be helpful for all of life because problem solving. Still haven't dreamed in Spanish... so thanks to everyone who told me that that's how I know I've arrived. It probably is but come on. Talk about pressure.
4) I'm still not homesick. I miss people, I miss food (chipotle, chikfila, Coffee). Every once in a while I miss being able to shower for as long as I want (#spoiled), But I don't want to leave this country. I thought this week that once I hit that point is probably when my Spanish is going to actually click all the way. But that's fine.
5) My family is awesome. This weekend we're going to a town the mountains (2 hours drive North west) And I'm so excited. No wifi. And no Americans. It's going to be awesome.
6) Reading the Bible in Spanish is like my favorite thing. It's like understanding anew my favorite verses. LOVE.
7) The struggle means growth is happening.
8) I figured out one girl, who I thought didn't like me, thought I didn't like her. So now I get to stop feeling judged by her and just be nice so she realizes that's not true.
I'm sure there are more. But that's what I've got off the top of my head. Happy count your blessings day.
I hit a point where I was just done with being humiliated. My personality is SO performance oriented. If I'm not able to do something well, chances are I won't do it. I don't really enjoy that about myself, but it's there. So living here is a constant battle with my instinct to just quit, stop trying, be content with mediocrity. Some days it's been easier to stay home and mope than go out and engage the world. It's easier to dwell in self pity and irritation than to see the good that is constantly walking alongside the hard. And this week I did that. A lot.
BUT, there is good. There is grace. There is always opportunity to change your trajectory and choose higher thoughts. I know this. I'm told this often. But it changes nothing until I decide that that's what needs to happen. And sometimes I'm stubborn. So three crappy days later I finally decided, enough. Time to think about the good.
1) I love my professors -- they're so quirky. Christina is all drama and jokes. Carlos makes the funniest faces when he's thinking and is very encouraging when we get things right (also blunt when we make mistakes- I don't love that as much). Jarque talks SOO fast, but is super sweet and also blunt but in a funny way so it hurts less ;)
2) I'm starting to make better deeper relationships with those around me. One on Ones are the way to go. I'm convinced. So I went out with Hannah (British- from GBU college group) the other night and got to know her a bit more (also nailed my British accent) and then Rachel (from my school- here and in the states) and I went to coffee and got to talk about our lives and went into some moments that have shaped us into who we are so we could understand each other better. Then Dessa and I have been hanging out during my free hour in the mornings and got to talk about our struggles in our walks with Christ and things we've learned/are learning. That was such a cool moment. (Thanks to Amanda Cook's Brave New World for facilitating that (Go listen to it if you haven't!!))
3) I've started to think in Spanish a lot more often. I have to figure out different ways to express my ideas when I talk because I don't always know the words I want to say. So that's fun. And I think will be helpful for all of life because problem solving. Still haven't dreamed in Spanish... so thanks to everyone who told me that that's how I know I've arrived. It probably is but come on. Talk about pressure.
4) I'm still not homesick. I miss people, I miss food (chipotle, chikfila, Coffee). Every once in a while I miss being able to shower for as long as I want (#spoiled), But I don't want to leave this country. I thought this week that once I hit that point is probably when my Spanish is going to actually click all the way. But that's fine.
5) My family is awesome. This weekend we're going to a town the mountains (2 hours drive North west) And I'm so excited. No wifi. And no Americans. It's going to be awesome.
6) Reading the Bible in Spanish is like my favorite thing. It's like understanding anew my favorite verses. LOVE.
7) The struggle means growth is happening.
8) I figured out one girl, who I thought didn't like me, thought I didn't like her. So now I get to stop feeling judged by her and just be nice so she realizes that's not true.
I'm sure there are more. But that's what I've got off the top of my head. Happy count your blessings day.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)